The concept of Kismet or fate is ingrained into the Hindu psyche; as we accept a lot of things in life that others of a different faith, may not take as easily. We allow our sanskars (past lives and actions) to define what our life will serve up to us, and then try to make the best of what it has provided to us. I reflect back on the 33 years of my marriage and how we came together more by happenstance than by choice, and know in my heart that all is still exactly as it was meant to be. Waking up in a strange town all alone on this fateful day; I can feel that while we are each alone, we remain bound together in the silken threads of a holy matrimony, tied together so long ago. These threads have often frayed and become weak; but the underlining principles of kismet have held us together, through thick and thin over the years.
Why does a man take on a mate; and then through the rest of his life struggle to maintain a loving relationship with a stranger will remain a mystery, that I will not try to solve here. Suffice it to say that such relationships are built on a mutual trust and if we do not honor our spouse with her rightful dues, then it is a wasted effort. Life passes in a strange myriad of colors and children come to the blessed ones, and the bonds strengthen as one deals with its ups and downs, often drowning and overwhelmed by its shear force. The relationships become more diverse; but at the core is the singular reality that because of this previously unknown stranger, life is now more than it was before her arrival on the scene. Her arrival may not have been grand or ethereal but in the darkest of times when all seemed lost, it was she who was my strongest ally and gave me the strength to plod on into the next moment. The currents of high and low that reality brings to us, are often of our own making and we are tossed around in a tempest and cling together to survive, and if lucky we sometimes prosper and our dreams come true.
Yet beyond Kismet is also the founding belief of Dharma and Karma; where one must always act to fight whatever fate may throw at us; and still fulfill our duty through our actions, and live a righteous life. Now that the early tumultuous years have passed; we can reflect on what this reincarnation has brought to us; and how we can strive to proceed on our path towards the paramatma, where our atman will eventually merge and be joined in eternal bliss. Our physical bliss is nothing compared to that eventual merging of the soul with the creator; and each of us is only the stick we lean on, to make this journey fruitful and easier. We can make this journey into whatever we want through the willful choice of our actions; which will defeat kismet eventually, and we will pass on to a state where there is no past or future. She is my shining light and creates our path and while I am often easily distracted and led astray by maya’s tempting offerings, she coaxes me in her small sweet ways to return to that Dharma, which is the eternal truth.
So on this day as I sip her gift to me of pure white tea and listen to the chirping of the birds in the cool morning, I reflect on that fateful day that she entered my life. She was full of a pure aspiration of what our life should be and I was as usual confused and muddled and struggled with just understanding this new responsibility that I had taken on. Ill prepared I made many mistakes over the years, and it is a miracle that we have survived so long together. Life’s gifts are taken lightly only by the fool and I am indeed one, and should have shown more humility and expressed better my need for her. Maybe one day she will understand what all she has meant to me, and what I could not express as time is fleeting, and we are weak and easily distracted from what is important in life. I wallow in my sensual pleasures and plunge into pools that are often forbidden, and in no way enhance the value of my life. She just laughs at my antics like the Neem Karoli Baba did in his wisdom; when Dr Richard Alpert gave him LSD to test him, and looks at a future that I have not seen. It is her foreseen future that has brought us to this place; where even though our physical presence is separated, we remain together in spirit. The Almora guru turned Richard into Baba Ram Dass and showed him the path of bhakti and bliss. She has turned me into this writer and I can only put words down on paper; and watch them disappear into the increasing data of the internet, lost perhaps forever. I wish her a beautiful life and look back on mine today; as I realize that these words had no meanings, until I met her. Love just is…, and words are too miserly to describe the experience and I embrace her to my heart, and may happiness be her companion for ever.

With the passing away of Virginia Johnson; we have lost both the pioneers, who led us to a better understanding of healthy, pleasurable physical relationships. Masters and Johnson developed the practice of sensate focus, which helps couples refocus on each other through emotional skills and body awareness. In sensate focus therapy, sex is removed while the couples reconnect through touching and developing a heightened sense of sexual self-awareness. They did not use drugs or surgery or any of the new technical techniques or modern methods; and were able to sill help reduce anxiety and misunderstandings between couples, that led to more fulfilling relationships, in their taboo breaking cases. Much of what has become common knowledge since then; originated with Virginia’s down to earth approach, in handling Dr. Masters’ patients and research volunteers. It just goes to show that you do not need an advanced degree to use common sense and observation; to solve some of the most complex problems; of human physical and emotional interaction.
With all this talk of the sexual revolution and the liberal post pill world; I feel that we can still learn a lot from their original studies, which seem outdated today. With the increased stress of modern life; we probably have more problems today, than we had when the research was carried out, to maintain a healthy and joyful sexual relationship. Where is the time for today’s couples to really connect emotionally, and enjoy just the simple touch of basic human interaction? With the pressures we put on our time for achieving more and having more; we lose the simple pleasures of a soft caress, or a moment spent in just speaking our minds, or listening emphatically. We are prone to predispositions of what a mate should be; and quickly move on to pronouncing verdicts and laying down edicts, of what our life together should be like. Long gone are those lazy days and nights when couples just had each other and none of the intrusions of TVs, phones or electronic gadgets; and touch and talk was the only entertainment.
I love Facebook; but a single hour of just talking about our life with a loved one, is worth more than a year of posts, likes and comments.We need to be able touch the face of the person we care about; and just the passing of the fingers softly over the skin, can develop more trust and emotional well being, than all the therapy sessions in the world. My feeling is that we have to shut out the external world for a number of hours each week; just to talk, touch and heal ourselves. I have too many friends who are suffering not because they do not care for each other; but because they have forgotten how to reconnect to the magical time, that built their relationship in the first place. We must never forget Virginia’s lesson that simple touch and understanding our internal conflicting emotions; can do more to for repairing the ills in a relationship, than all the plastic surgeries, drugs, therapies or counseling. To have a fulfilling relationship each of us has to invest the time to be with the other, and slow the world down to just being you. You do not have to be a Greek God or Goddess to satisfy your partner; but just have to be yourself and all else will fall in place (we can always use our imagination and make our partner or session into anything we crave). Life should be about simple pleasures and not driven by a paranoia of phobias and expectations that will remain unfulfilled even in our death. Play the games that you like and become children again; just like a mother’s loving touch is something, which lasts a child all its life. The light on this previously forbidden path was shone by these pioneers; and all we need to do is walk on it to find happiness, thus enriching our soul with natural and pleasurable acts.

The whispered notes of the sitar player merge with the introductory alaap of the tabla player; and the beats form a rhythm that slowly expands, as I half listen to the build of the Megh Malhar raag, as classical Indian music is not really my thing. Then the maestro starts in his deep voice and suddenly I am mesmerized by his words. He seems to reach deep inside me and open windows to my soul, that I thought even I had forgotten long ago. The raag takes on a body and the sitar player seems to have suddenly strung his sitar with my heart strings and the tabla player is pounding out my hidden emotions with his rapidly moving fingers it feels, and I forget all that I was doing. The maestro’s voice takes on a different hue and the urgency of his words take on a sinister mood; as he sings to the approaching dark clouds of the monsoons. He evokes a time and place that is primordial, and now I know I am lost and he has me and my world at his mercy.
He takes the words right out of my inner being; and asks the clouds to stop, and the thunder and lightning that accompany the coming showers to go away, and leave him to his loneliness. They have no business to bring this beautiful weather, while my love is still away, he sings. Now the beat is stronger and the melody faster; and my breath is shallower, as he pines for the lover that is away, but the rains do not stop. The maestro has now taken complete charge of my being and environment and a tear forms at the corner of my eye, as he brings the raag to a climax. How could this ancient song of a monsoon estrangement speak to me here in this southern state, I do not know? What is the magical power of this maestro to bring down the rains from the heavens and make my eyes flow freely at his pining. All I know is that I wish that he would stop; so I could breathe again, but he just goes into a faster and higher rhythm and the tabla and the sitar are now building up to a crescendo, which leaves me breathless. I weep with his pain and the pain of all the lovers who are thus parted over the eons, during this weather of love. The thunder and lightning flash and the earth is soaked under the onslaught like the sudden summer storm bursting outside my window, and I can feel the raw pain of his desire and the tempest just rises higher. I am thrown from a cliff and lie exhausted in a fetal position, as the maestro finally brings the raag to a close. I fall into a dreamless sleep; too exhausted from the baring of my soul, by a few strings of music and an ancient melody that magically controlled my environment, and left me defenseless in this storm of epic proportions.

As I sip my chilled light beer bought on sale at the local Walmart; I think of the 90 billion other such aluminum cans, which will be used in the US this year alone. We look for bargains and try to save money on a daily basis; but unknown to me I am paying Goldman Sachs for the privilege of storing 1.5 million tons aluminum at their Metro company, which is increasing the price of each sip I take. The next step is going to be the buying up of 80% of the supply of copper (a much more essential commodity); by financial behemoths like JP Morgan, Goldman Sachs and Black Rock. Who let these top dogs out into these areas, are the misguided policies of recent libertarian-ism. For example multiple petitions from the top paid lawyers and economists wore down our very own regulator Mary Shapiro of the SEC, to allow the copper deals by big banks. Wealth is now concentrated with such power; that it roars for stabilizing prices and availability, allowing the moneyed to take another small percentage from our daily consumption in the name of free markets and competition.
These small percentages are slowly sucking the money from every single hard working individual and even the poorest of the poor contribute mightily as these small premiums on essentials like oil, aluminum and copper affect each and every one of us. Suddenly the sip of this cheap brew swill seems to turn even bitterer in my mouth; as I just saw that the quarterly earnings of most of these huge financial institutions increase mightily from such legal trading activities. The rich as the saying goes are getting richer, while I realize that my pension has gone the way of the dodo bird. We might as well change the name of Aluminum to Sach’s silver and Copper to Morgan’s gold; as we will be paying a tiny fraction to them, in the long run in any case.

I love free enterprise and the capitalistic society, as it has brought so much development and progress in the modern world. These financial institutions are hallowed and I remember looking in awe at the great chandelier that JP Morgan had installed in his lobby across from the NYSE during the great depression; while I was a young, and not as bright MBA student. The greatest corporations would not be around like GE, GM, IBM, and Exxon without their financing. I wish that they would go back to the business of growing corporations, infrastructure, homes, consumer goods, neighborhood small entrepreneurs to allow free enterprise to thrive, rather than this grubby money grab that is ill conceived and poorly executed. Risk on should be their slogan to encourage entrepreneurs to bring their ingenuity and innovations to the market. JPM took over Thomas Edison’s company and made it into GE when Edison insisted on sticking with outdated DC current; and not the more viable AC proven by Westinghouse, and thereby changing history. He also became the lender of last resort when the markets panicked, based on his real gold holdings. Hope that the captains of these institutions become true financiers of enterprise and growth; instead of the assured bets that make every day commodities more expensive for each of us; and only make the rich richer by hoarding necessities, and misusing the Feds easing policy. Earning quasi rent is easy; and building more rent-able production is hard, yet it remains the right thing to do for the future of humanity, to give the poorest some respite from their plight.

From my early youth I can remember that the trappings of wealth and greatness impressed me greatly. Whether it was watching the doctor riding a horse in a hill station, while I trudged along on tiny sore legs and feet up the hill; or on seeing the chauffeur driven Mercedes in the city, while I rode a borrowed scooter, it left a deep longing in my soul for more. Dependent on the mercy of others in the joint family; we young ones would be at the bottom of the pyramid and live off the scraps handed down in a benevolent mood, and consider ourselves lucky as another man’s trash was our found treasure. I dreamed of having the convenience of air-conditioning, refrigerators, color TVs, fancy cars and presidential suites in five star hotels, where champagne flowed freely and beautiful women gathered around me; and laughed their giddy laughter at my humor. I knew that the day was not far off when my brilliance would dazzle the world; and great champions and kings of industry would fall at my feet acknowledging defeat, and surrender all their wealth for my pleasures.
Later on it was the famous that attracted me like a moth to flame; from the musicians, actors, writers, artists with their glitterati lifestyles and their over the top drugs and antics. Oh my! I thought if only I could be more like them; then it would truly be a dream, that has come true. Instead of sailing the serene oceans in a luxury yacht from one famous island to the next more beautiful one; discovering the joy of everlasting love, my life has been a little different. I seemed to have been tossed on a leaky boat in a tempest; that tossed me from shore to shore, and I was too busy bailing out the water, to even notice the beauty of the islands as they sailed by. After years of struggle with my demons of excess, I find myself in a small southern town and can finally breathe for a while. I drive a Honda, turn the AC on sparingly as needed, and drink the occasional light beer on sale at Walmart. Living in Tornado alley I enjoy the irony of the fading of the tempest and find that wealth and the symbol of greatness was Sam with his dogs; and an old pickup truck used for hunting, and everything else. In the end the invisible hand of Adam Smith will take over and everything that we spent our whole life craving and gathering, will be distributed out to others. I sit like the fool on the hill surveying my peaceful world; and take a deep drag on the ten thousandth cancer stick, enjoying the harmony of my dreams going up in smoke.

I am stuck in the south still and she is home in the north; and we talk on the phone and make plans to be together again in august, and then we can start over with our disrupted lives. We are alone but we are together; and the plans we make are of the future, but the past joins us in this strange dual life, which appears to be heading nowhere fast. We talk of our day; and the random occasions that happenstance has puts us through, and laugh at the world, as if all is well and this loneliness is not a factor in our existences. She is in a good mood and talks fast, and I strain to listen and catch up with all that is happening in her life. I am at a loss for words and put in the occasional sigh or word to keep the conversation flowing; as I miss her, and can’t say the words that she needs to hear.
This is our time and we need to share it; as relationships, are built, from such occasions. We do not discuss meaningful things; as the mundane takes over, and just to hear her voice and laughter is enough. I imagine the next time we will be together, and what we could do with each other; but know in my heart, that that time will also pass like the last time, and a lot will still remain undone. Such is our life that is half incomplete and half fulfilled; and we avoid talking about that void, as it would be a burden to expose it into the open. It is late and she has to go and hangs up, and I stare at the phone and think about the future, when we will be together again. I console myself that next time I will say what was left unsaid; and share what was kept hidden, for the future is our friend. The hope to see her beautiful smiling eyes again, will keep me going till then, and I connect the phone to the charger as it is my only lifeline to her for now. I stare at the empty bed and take cheer from the fact; that as each lonely night passe; I am one day closer, to being with you.

The Queen is about to sign into law; a bill allowing other queens to live in holy matrimony in her realm, in a historic bill that passed the House of Lords. Humor aside it is a proud moment for equality; and Lord Alli the Labor peer thanking the house, where he fought for 15 years for this day said, “”You have given me dignity where there was sometimes fear. You have given me hope where there was often darkness and you have given me equality where there was sometimes prejudice.” In a few decades this war between church and state; will also pass onto the history books, and the next generations will wonder what all this fuss was about.
There are enough ills in the current system of marriage; that we should not look too eagerly into what goes on behind closed doors, as many are already trapped in loveless unions, with no respite from their church or society. To allow unions of consenting couples, who are willingly seeking a state of harmony; will reduce the ills of society, and stigma and prejudice have no place among equal beings. We have enough unhappiness in the world; and should allow happiness to bud, and take root between two consenting adults. When you have billions on this earth; we should encourage different lifestyles, as in the end the creativity that is spawned by intellectual and physical interaction, can only lead to betterment for us all. Life choices are hard enough in this modern world; and we do not need to force outdated ideas, on a new world. Let the buds bloom I say; and then we can all enjoy the beauty of the flowers, which will surely rise from the happiness of these equal people, so long denied, at such a high moral cost. Celebrating the beauty of the Pink Carnations does not make one a lesser person; but not doing so will be a true travesty, showing bigotry and petty meanness towards our fellow humans.

I gaze at Claude Monet’s ‘Field of Poppies’ print hanging on my wall, and am subconsciously drawn into the world of early impressionist art. These red, pink, green, blue, white dabs of oil paint represent a new way of looking at the world around us. The open field of endless poppies, with the tall trees in the background, and then the fluffy white clouds against a sky blue background; represent a moment and place in time, captured on a canvas forever. There is an unwrapping of ethereal beauty, representation of eternal love, passion for a new vision, delight in this life and a perspective that is unique; all represented by this single work of art. Claude saw the world differently; and was fearless of his critics, when he painted what he wanted, and most importantly how he wanted it.
Art is the outcome of the soul, and the representation of the highest achievements of man. I will be an open romantic; in saying that great art inspires me, and were it not for these great works, my life would be far lesser than it is. The tortured soul of Vincent or Michelangelo left us a vision of what life should represent, and not what is mundane and routine. Standing under the enormous beauty of the statue of David; one feels reduced to the essence of man, fighting for our rightful space in this universe. We are suddenly made larger than life; by these romantic works, and even the gods must be jealous of what they represent. Human endeavor and the lust for life represent our highest callings; and we must each of us find that one thing, which makes life meaningful. Leave a legacy of not property or wealth but that one piece of your soul; that represents your unique view of existence, and all eternity will be yours. I am unabashedly in love with this field of poppies and all it represents; and life is worth living again, as I secretly dream of what one day, will be my tortured legacy for you.

I confess that I have murdered another day; and the shadow of our earth on our moon, confirms that it is as dead as all the others, that went before it. I now drive a stake through the heart of this night; bidding it to be still, but this restless time just keeps moving on. I know that time my closest companion; is a fickle friend, and will eventually desert me and continue his inexorable march towards eternity, to the space I cannot go. I breathe in this moment; and he is with me and we are one again, and all my efforts will not still this beating heart. No matter how much of it I kill, it just keeps coming back for more.
I seek solace in sleep; but he is restless and brings back dreams of his dead companion days, and I breathe the same smells, and experience the same delights, that I tried to capture and make my own. I reach out to grasp it all to myself; as this is my life I say, but he just slips through my fingers and I know I hold nothing, and will have nothing in the end also. You are faithless; I cry out in despair, and push back at him and he smiles and whispers, “have faith, for I am all that you will ever have.” I no longer want him near me; and like a jilted lover, I sulk and moan. He giggles and teases me; bringing back even more dear memories of this life, that I know is mine. I tell it to be gone; as all I want is that rosy future, where all I desire will be mine to enjoy, and not this past that reeks of decay and leaves a sour taste in my mouth of death. I thrash about in the hot night without solace from my beloved companion; and sleep comes to me at last, a poor bargain compared to what I seek. In the meantime our universe continues its expansion into another billion miles of space, and this time I love more than myself, continues his eternal dance of joy.

According to the latest 20 year study by JAMA “Overall, the United States fell in the rankings between 1990 and 2010 on nearly every major health measure.” Poor diet, tobacco and substance abuse, obesity and high blood pressure are all symptoms of a rich society, where people do not make the hard choices to stay healthy. We all know what to eat, and that we need to do 150 total minutes of moderate activity or 75 minutes of vigorous activity per week, to help us live to a ripe old age. Money spent on health care has skyrocketed; and will continue to do so, as baby boomers enter the last phase of their lives. We will continue to increasingly use our taxes; to pay for the poor life choices that couch potatoes snacking on unhealthy foods and drinks make. They will continue to lose their health and their sanity, surrounded by a cornucopia of plenty. Disabilities mental or physical will continue to grow, if the choices for entertainment remain a TV, computer, movie, spectator sports or a family gathering for an all you can eat feast. Each one of us has to learn to say no to that second helping, or desert, or the high caloric drink, and take that 20 minute brisk walk. Life expectancy has risen to 78 yet our hospitals and elderly care facilities are filled with folks; who have life debilitating conditions that could have been avoided, by just a simple lifestyle change. It may be glorious to be rich; but it is even more fabulous to be healthy, to enjoy the long productive years that modern living will provide. It is not easy to lose weight or change our life style; but in an increasingly knowledgeable world, we should make it harder to stay on a path that will lead to years of disability instead of a healthy life. Incentives need to change as society has to make an effort to encourage people to make the right choices; we should all learn that prevention is worth far more than the cure, that our leading research and development can provide. Eat healthy, exercise, keep an active mind, participate in open social dialog, for better health with lower costs and a more fulfilling life.